No more I'll speed by auto from New York to Baltimore Bat’ry to the Bronx.   No more the cops will yank you on the fly. At the druggist I won’t wink Coca-Cola’ll be my drink All the blandishments of highballs I’ll defy.   Give my socks to Aunt Maria   Tho’ she wears her own much higher She will find that mine are cooler in July.

Perhaps I am wofully English,   It’s something I am not to blame for, But all your American jinglish   Silly song I have no name for.     I oughtn’t to say they are silly—       Perhaps, from your view, they are not. But I can’t see them using both my eyes So tell me truly, put me hep or wise. To all the phonies of you Yankee guys,   when someone sings such rot—     Such Thomas rot—     This sort of rot:       CHORUS.   Be my honey, love.     When the bobolinks sing so gay; (Business)   Be my funny love,     In August, the months of June, July and May,       Oh! Be my own Lavinia, dear,       Way down in ol’ Virginia, dear       And I’ll try lovin ya’, dear     For that’s the Yankee way Oh, why can’t stupid British people see the   sprightly humor of the U.S.A.?

He. You’re the girl for my money I like your style And your sweet smile Makes my heart feel so funny; Just ’cause you said “Someday we’ll wed” We won’t keep a horse but then maybe Some day if my dreams should come true, A carriage we’ll keep for the baby And Sundays I’ll drive it for you.

Refrain There’s girls by the score But for me, I adore Just you, dear; and you’re worth all the others; I haven’t the cash, So we can’t cut a dash, But I love you, so nothing else bothers. In some little flat We’ll make a start With everything new and fine, There we will be happy, And never be scrappy, When you change your name to mine.

She I shall learn to do cooking   I’ll bake some pies,   As a surprise; And for you I’ll be looking   By the front door   Each day at four. I’ll never be jealous or scold you,   Your wages I’ll keep for you dear. With bank-books in my name I’ll hold you,   Should love for me cool as I fear.

Refrain There’s girls by the score But just me you adore, I’m your dear and I’m worth all the others. You haven’t the cash So we can’t cut a dash But you love me so nothing else bothers. In some little flat we’ll make our start With ev’rything new and fine. There we will be happy And never be scrappy When I change my name to thine.

Jack Let’s go through the world with a smile on our face, tho’ we sorrow Duke Something like this—? Rose and Stumpy Something like this—? All Come, cheer up!

Jack Though we are convinced that each one will be sadder tomorrow Duke A smile and a kiss— Rose & Stumpy A smile and a kiss— All They’ll cheer up!

Black is the night and dreary the day   ’Twill always be darksome and dreary Rough is the road and weary the way   Life’s road is both cut-up and weary ‘Twill always be rough and weary. The babe gets her bumps— With the measles and mumps— So cheer up— Cheer up. The (maid/man) gets the hook When by love (she’s/he’s) forsook So Cheer up— Cheer up— Then hail to the (maid/man) who laughs alway Twice hail to the (maid/man) who is ever gay Ha, Ha, Ha!   Cheer up!

Refrain

The sailor’s happy on the seas The tom-tit is happy among the trees The bull pup’s happy catching fleas, So let us cheer up to-day.

The shades of night were falling fast As through an alpine village past A youth who bore mid snow and ice A banner with the strange device Hark, hear the tick tick ticking Hist, hear the click, click, clicking Hist, read the message be it real or sham   Tho Wilson says the tariff’s high   He’ll change it when the piggies fly Thus reads this particular Marconigram.

The Dinner Pail

The festal board of an Earl or Lord I do not like a little, Nor the fancy fare of a millionaire With its wine and costly victual— [on pails] Tap, tap! — — Tap, tap! Its vintage and its victual—

I’m not devote to the table d’hote   With its wine than water thinner; My simple hunch is the box of lunch— The pail that holds the dinner. [on pails] Tap, tap! — — Tap, tap! The pail that holds the dinner.

CHORUS

So let us lilt a lyrical lay To the merry meal of the middle of the day And let us chorus “Hail, all hail To the winsome, tinsome dinner pail.

I have no wish for the soup or fish   For the terrapin or pheasant The simple sandwich made by hand   To me is far more pleasant [on pails] Tap, tap! — — Tap, tap! Cold ham to us is pleasant. A hard boiled egg and a turkey leg   And the beer that the boy is bringing Appeal to me so thoroughlee   I can’t refrain from singing [on pails] Tap, tap! — — Tap, tap! He simply can’t help singing:

Chorus

So let us lilt, etc.

The festal board of an Earl or Lord I do not like a little, Nor the fancy fare of a millionaire With its wine and costly victual— ALL: (on pails)     Tap, tap! — — Tap, tap!     Its vintage and its victual

I’m not devote to the table d’hote With its wine than water thinner; My simple hunch is the box of lunch The pail that holds the dinner. ALL: (on pails)     Tap, tap! — — Tap, tap!     The pail that holds the dinner.

CHORUS: So, let us sing a lyrical lay To the merry meal at the middle of the day And let us chorus, “Hail, all hail To the winsome, tinsome dinner pail.”

I have no wish for the soup or fish For the terrapin or pheasant The simple sandwich made by hand To me is far more pleasant. ALL: (on pails)     Tap, tap! — — Tap, tap!     Cold ham to us is pleasant

A hard boiled egg and a turkey leg And the beer that the boy is bringing Appeal to me so thoroughlee I can’t refrain from singing ALL: (on pails)     Tap, tap! — — Tap, tap!     He simply can’t help singing.

Chorus

So let us sing a lyrical lay To the merry meal at the middle of the day And let us chorus, “hail, all hail To the winsome, tinsome, dinner pail.”

The dramatist of yesteryear was certainly a yap He didn’t cater to the mob; he knew not vim nor snap The Bard of Avon—this is not a knock nor yet a boost Would have an awful time today to get Macbeth produced Unless he made the witches six, and in a woodland “set” Contrived to put some “ginger” in the caldron—a sextette— With up-to-date vocabulary — Each a pretty miss To do a swishy dance and sing inanities like this:

  Round about the caldron go   All the ladies of the show   Wearing over eighty three   Dollars worth of lingerie     Double, double     Toil and trouble   Life is but a rainbow bubble.

Round the caldron the ladies go, They’re the hit of the Shakespeare show,   What a hand they would get   With a duodectette! Round the caldron the ladies go     / or / As the caldron around they go.

Rose Signor—

Jack What is it fair maid?

Rose Come will you ahve your fortune told,   Cross my palm with coin of gold; All your past I will unfold,   Your future reveal.

  [Reads hand] You love a maid who loves but you   But to another maid you flew; A thing no gentleman should do   [Mysteriously]   In either woe or weal, You are engaged but love another,

Jack Wonderful!

Rose You love another whose engaged.

Jack Marvelous!

Rose Who duty’s call you’d like to smother,   Your heart is not assuaged.

Jack Let me but see the one I love

Rose   [Blindfolds him] You must not see but you shall hear Come forth fair maiden, your cavalier is here.

Jack This is a prank of Annabelle and Geraldine. Just what’s the scheme they’re working I can’t just glean

Rose Come forth fair maid,

Jack   Come forth fair maid

Rose Your cavalier is here,   The mighty sovereign of the nile, Commands you to appear.

  Annabelle. La La.

Anna Sweetheart by the twinkling stars on high   Sweetheart by the blueness of the sky Sweetheart till the deepest sea runs dry   My ev’ry thought is of you.

Anna & Jack Sweetheart, etc.

[Enter Duke]

Rose Signor—

J. There is something in my optic Will you diagnose the case

Tho it may be microscoptic This is very soundly out of place.

A. Let me feel your pulse’s beating Let me look into your eye— Ah, I think see you’re over-eating That’s the wherefore + the why.

    One—two—three.

J.     One—two—three.

A.     Rather fast.

J.     Rather fast.

A.     It won’t last.

You do not need a doctor— But only love and laughter The glances of a maiden Just now is what you’re after You’d start the welkin ringing Likewise you’d shake the rafter   If she you love would only say the word.

J. I think my heart is quite affected.

A. No one would ever have expected.

J. I wish you’d give me something for it. A. Something that will soon restore it. J. Cruel treatment no doubt tore it.     Into pieces

Both If (I/you) could help no doubt you would, In fact it’s my belief I should, Perhaps there’s somebody who could,   Therefore do not give up.

You do not need a doctor, etc.

Duet—Jack and Stumpy

J. The time has come is nigh to bid goodby to fashionable frills S. You say the time has come to say good-by? J. For no longer shall you care For the garments that I wear S. No more shall I select the proper tie? Both     No longer (shall I/will he) press     All (my/his) articles of dress No more (shall I/will he) select the proper tie.

Fare ye well, O frills of fashion, fare thee well, O social smirk, For your slave has formed a passion for the novelty (called) of work And considering his former mode of living very wrong Boldly bids good-by to Folly... So long... ... So long.

II.

S. So it to be good-by to me as well as evening clothes? J.   It certainly includes your worthy self. S.     But what am I to do     When I cannot go to you   And frisk you for a fraction of your pelf? S+J.     I really do not know     Who will furnish (me/you) the dough   When (he stops/I stop) as (my/your) provider of the pelf.

Fare ye well, etc.

Song—Duke

According to popular rumor,   The British mind is none too rapid, And what is known as Yankee humor,   Strikes Englishmen as rather vapid.     Americans, maybe, are witty       I hate to suggest they are not, But tell me truly, for I yearn to know, Just what is funny in your vaudeville show   That makes your audiences giggle so     When someone sings such rot—       Such Thomas rot—       This sort of rot.

Chorus.

In the valley, love,   Where the summer sun shines all day, Let us dally, love,   And these words he to her did say:     “Whenever bells are ringing, dear,     I’ll always be a-singing, dear,     And also buck-and-winging, dear,   In perfect Yankee way.“

Oh, why can’t stupid British people see the   sprightly humor of the U.S.A.?

VERSE 2

Jack When wife and hubby disagree How easy now divorce will be In place of trips out West, the pair Can flash their troubles through the air.

Geraldine [wiring] “Dear Judge—just think of such abuse No motor car for my own use.”

Jack [wiring] “Dear Judge—the car I bought for two I think I ought to ride, don’t you?” Don’t you, don’t you, do not you.

Duke Jack Ah! Hark! hear the tick-tick-ticking Hark! hear the click-click-clicking Hark! comes the message— Now, my friends, be clam—     [reads] “Divorce for the lady at the bar With custody of motor car.” Thus reads this particular Marconigram.

    all repeat refrain

Verse 3

Geraldine Duke For pugilistic championships Decided only with the lips There’s nothing like the hot air route To settle such a fierce dispute.

Jack [wiring] “Consider that I slapped your wrist And gave your nose an awful twist.”

Duke [wiring] “Regard your face as scratched—so there— Assume that I have pulled your hair.”

Geraldine Duke (reads) Hark! hear the tick-tick-ticking Hark! hear the click-click-clicking Hark! here’s the ruling on this battle sham.   Now all their bluster is an awful sham     [reads] “That one I shall disqualify Who makes the other fellow cry.” Thus reads the referee’s Marconigram.

They’ll never scrap for name or fame But for the money in the game, Thus reads this particular Marconigram.

    All repeat chorus refrain

“The Matrimonial Mart”

Anna I cannot understand a bit, when all is done and said, Why girls are brought into this world for nothing but to wed; A matrimonial barbecue, the social marriage mart, That’s all we’re really meant for, and we’re perfect in the part.

Mrs. V. When (I/she) was but a tiny tot, a trusting little girl, (My/Her) nurse taught to primp and puff, beribbon and becurl, To smirk and smile and talk with ease To move with style and grace, To deck (myself/herself) in clothes that match the contour of my face. Oh, why did cruel fate ordain that I become a miss? Would that I always had retained the ignorance that’s bliss, And stayed forever and a day, in childhood’s fairy-land, Where everyone and everything are good and pure and grand.

All Three   “Little Miss Muffet she sat on a tuffet,     Eating her curds and whey,   Along came a spider and sat down beside her     And frightened Miss Muffet away.”

  “Old Mother Hubbard, she went to the cup-board     To get her poor doggie a bone— And all the rest, I love the best,   The simple runes   And pretty tunes, The winsome ways And dear old lays. Ah, dream, dream, dream, dream of childhood’s happy days.

Mrs. V. ’Tis bitter so to hear you speak and mock of marriage mart

Col. V. Quite free you are to listen to the dictates of your heart

Mrs. V. If gold or title, pride or rank do not appeal to you,

Col. V. Perhaps a little mountain home, more fully meets you view.

Anna Oh, love in a cottage is all very well.

Mrs. V.   But that doesn’t meet her wishes. Anna   At scrubbing and washing dishes.

Anna A breakfast of kisses served a’ l’epicure   Would no doubt be lovely, though cloying But repeated for luncheon and dinner, I’m sure,   Would prove just a slight bit annoying. Mrs. V. & Col. V.     Most annoying. Anna & Mrs. V. For your breakfast, luncheon and dinner it would prove most annoying.

Anna Not for your darling daughter, not for your loving child, Living on bread and water, truly is rather mild.

It doesn’t at all enthuse me,   And isn’t exactly wild, Not for your darling daughter, not for me.

Mrs. V. & Col. V. No, not for our darling daughter, etc.

Mrs. V. If gold and romance, rank and love meet with your opposition. Pray tell us, if you know yourself, what is your real ambition.

Anna In days of old, the suitor bold,   Risked all for Lady fair, Rode forth with steed to gallant deed,   To fight, and do, and dare. A soldier’s bride with pomp and pride,   Is what I’d like to be. A man who leads, nor danger heeds,   Is the kind of man for me.

A soldier’s bride, etc.

With foes round him pressing,   Whatever the conflict’s tide No fear e’er confessing,   I’d follow close by his side,

The booming of cannon,   And the rattling of drum and fife, With trumpet sounding And hearts rebounding,   That is life.

Chorus With foes round him pressing, etc. Hark the Gatling gun, gatling gun, gatling gun,

Anna The Gatling gun, hark the Gatling gun.

All (Roll tongue) Br- - - - - - - With foes round him pressing, whatever conflicts tide No fear e’er confessing, She follows close by his side, etc.

Duke Most omniscient maid I would by your aid   Geraldine to hasten into saying “yes.”

Anna     Do you love her true?     Does she love you too?

Duke That I have not asked her, I confess.

Anna That you have not asked her, you confess?

Duke That I have not, that I have not asked her, I confess.

Anna Then how do you think the maiden can say “Yes?”   Has she answered “No,”   Said that you should go, And informed you that your pleading was of no avail?

Duke Neither yea nor nay, Would she plainly say.

Anna Ah, Neither yea nor nay, Would she plainly say,   A most significant detail. Make professions warm, Capture her by storm,   Tell her how you’re eating your heart out in grief.

Duke Oh, I pray, suggest Vows that are the best.

Anna These are some that always win belief.   By the stars, Venus, Mars, By the dashing, splashing wavelets in the tree, By the harking, sparking lambkins on the lea,     Hear my plea,     I love thee,     Your own lovey, dovey, I shall ever be. In the twilight and the dawning, In the night and noon and morning, When you smile and when you’re yawning,   I’ll love thee.

Mrs. V. [Shakes hands with the Duke, embraces Anna]   My son blessings on your Grace,   My child, this is your proper place.

Anna A most amusing situation.

Gerald. Accept my heart’s congratulation.

Duke I pray you heed not what you saw.

Mrs. V. Oh bliss!

Jack I’d like to crack him in the jaw.

Gerald. [to Duke] You base deceiver, You said I was your sweetest sweet.   I’ll wreak my vengeance, I’ll wed the first man that I meet.

Jack [to Anna] Oh base deceiver,   Hard-hearted maid, Sirenic cheat. I’ll wreak my vengeance.   I’ll wed the first girl that I meet.

Gerald. [to Jack] I’m yours.

Jack [to Gerald.] I’m yours.

Duke [aside] This is very, very bad, But I’m no blooming cad   I’ll make it quite alright for Annabelle. Miss Vandeveer, I pray, Please name our wedding day.

Anna Just when ’twill be, I cannot tell.

Gerald. [spoken] I pray you all my friends, appear, And tidings of great import hear, Duke Branford North Fuz-Somerset, And Earl the fourth Plantagenet, And Percy, Max, and Knight as well, Of Halifax and Pall Mall, Is pledged to marry Annabelle.

A Duchess so grand of Britain’s best brand,   Our Annabelle soon will be made.   The ways she’ll effect of England’s elect. In pomp and purple all arrayed.

The King she will meet quite en famille;   I wish I was she and she was me,   A crown on her head by day and in bed, To tell her from common bourgeoisie.

Anna   Allow me to state,

Duke   Before it’s too late,

Gerald. She’ll sit on a throne of plush.

Chorus   All hail to the twain, long may they reign.

Jack I wish them hailing and raining and slush.

Gerald. Ah, with a tiara-ra, ra, ra, ra, ra, ra, ra, ray,

Chros.   Ah, with a tiara, ra, ra, ra, etc.

Gerald & Jack A-visiting at Windsor Castle twice a day.

Gerald Going to the tower, Almost every hour,   And driving to the Abbey,   With your private cabby, As befits your very very high degree, Carrying a scepter down through regent street,   Into Piccadilly,   Don’t you care how silly, Trotting in your suite a bunch of the élite, And then you’ll be a real grandee.

Jack A choir will croon a niggery tune, When Annabelle changes her name,   And marries the Duke,   In sword and peruke, And joins the creme-de-la-créme A house they will have in Grosvenor Square, It’s almost too much for me to bear,   And lackeys a score,   Maybe twenty-four or more, All dressed in knee-pants and powdered hair.

Duke   My friends, I implore,

Anna   Pray say no more.

Gerald. Sing hurrah, hurrah, and hurray.

Chorus Long live these peers One hundred years.

Jack And for my part they may add one more day, With a tiara, ra, ra, ra, ra, ra, etc.

Chorus   With a tiara, ra, ra, ra, ra, etc.,

Jack & Gerald. A-visiting at Windsor Castle every day, etc.

Annda (and others) A-visiting at Windsor Castle twice a day, etc.

Chorus: Kitchen Helpers: We have waited six months for our pay

And some money we must have today,   If you cannot settle now, There will be a jolly row, We won’t linger longer, but we’ll away.

Anna What degradation, humiliation, I thought at least that you were men, Though we sorrow, there comes a morrow, And father’s star will rise, his star will rise agai

Gerald. Her father’s star will rise, etc.

Mrs. V. My husband’s star will rise, etc.

Jack, Stumpy, Chorus Her father’s star will rise, etc.

Kitchen Help [obsequiously] Most politely we bid you adieu Thus concluding this bright interview,   Tho’ our actions shocking are,   We are not particular, In demanding wages when they’re due.

Anna Mr. Pompton, I have a favor to ask, Please do not refuse me.

Pompton [harshly] What do you want?

Anna Will you give me employment in your factory?

Principals What, a working-girl?

Pompton Yes, I’ll give you work.

Chorus What, a working-girl?

Anna Yes, working-girl, I will be.

Pompton I’ll employ you.

Chorus It is best that we should go, It is getting late you know, Good bye.

Pompton [to Anna] Report at the factory at seven to-morrow.

Jack Me too?

Principals Farewell, friends forever, Fondest ties must sever, Farewell, farewell, farewell, one and all.

Chorus Sympathetic hearts grieve at your fate, Still we notice it is getting quite late.   So we have to go,   This is Op’ra night you know, And Lucia warbles sharply at eight.

Jack Annabelle.

Anna Farewell.

Jack Farewell, Annabelle.

Anna Farewell, Father, Mother, Our star will rise again.

Jack She’s an angel.

Jack Oh, busy I’ll be as a bee or a beaver, I’m burning all over with working-man’s fever.

The Smiths I’m burning all over with working-man’s fever.

Anna, Jack & The Smiths Yes, busy as seventeen twinlets of Siam.

Geraldine & Jerry You will? Well you won’t be as busy as I am.

Jack For bee-like improving the shining young minutes,

James & John The shining young minute.

Anna You have to extract all the sweetness that’s in it.

The Duke Its beastly bad work when you’re rich as a banker, For manual labor I never did hanker.

Jack No five o’clock tea and no midnight cotillions.

Anna No midnight cotillions, You won’t have much leisure to count up your millions

Gladys, James & John O, ambitious man, we hope you will be able.

Gladys, James, John & Geraldine To work like the typical Trojans of fable.

Anna, Geraldine, Gladys, Jack, James, John Don’t let up a minute, though flurried and dizzy, Your watchword is “Work” and your motto “Get Busy”   Go get busy and tussle,   For life is a hustle, No matter what circle you’re in.   And labor diurnal,   Incessant, eternal, One hardly knows where to begin   He’s so busy, Though social existence looks nice from a distance,   It isn’t a little that way.   It’s bother and worry, and hustle and hurry,   For this is his busy day.

Jack So up with the lark and to bed with the rooster.

James & John Not keeping late hours, as I formerly uster.

Anna, Jack, James & John My breakfast at seven, my supper at sun-down.

Geraldine & Jerry On Sunday to Coney you surely will run down.

Jack I will if they’ll charge but one fare on the trolley.

James & John One fare on the trolley.

Anna If idling a minute to you id a folly

The Duke Eight hours a day will be hardly enough work, For one like yourself who is pining for rough work.

Jack To labor all day, I’ve an absolute passion.

Anna An absolute passion. Excuse me, dear Jack, but you’re not in the fashion.

Chorus (As before)

Jack When wife and hubby disagree How easy now divorce will be In place of trips out West, the pair Can flash their troubles through the air.

Geraldine [wiring] “Dear Judge—just think of such abuse No motor car for my own use.”

Jack [wiring] “Dear Judge—the car I bought for two I think I ought to ride, don’t you?” Don’t you, don’t you, do not you?

Jack Ah! Hark! hear the tick-tick-ticking Hark! hear the click-click-clicking Hark! comes the message— Now, my friends, be clam— [Reads]

“Divorce for lady at the bar With custody of motor car” Thus reads this particular Marconigram.

(All repeat refrain)

Verse 3.

Duke For pugilistic championships Decided only with the lips There’s nothing like the hot air route To settle such a fierce dispute..

Jack [wiring] “Consider that I slapped your wrist And gave your nose an awful twist.”

Duke [wiring] “Regard your face as scratched—so there— Assume that I have pulled your hair.”

Duke Ah! Hark! hear the tick-tick-ticking Hark! hear the click-click-clicking Hark! Now all their bluster is an awful shame [Reads] They’ll never scrap for name or fame, But for the money in the game Thus reads this particular Marconigram.

(All repeat chorus refrain.)

Rose Signor—

Jack What is it fair maid,

Rose Come will you have your fortune told, Cross my palm with coin of gold All your past I will unfold   Your future reveal.

[Reads hand] You love a maid who loves but you But to another maid you flew, A thing no gentleman should do [Mysteriously]   In either woe or weal, You are engaged but love another,

J.     Wonderful.

R. You love another whose engaged.

J.     Marvelous. Tho duty’s call you’d like to smother,   Your heart is not assuaged

[Blindfolds him]

J. Let me but see the one I love,

R. You can must not see, but you shall hear.

No more I’ll speed my auto from the Bat’ry to the Bronx No more the cops will yank you on the fly. At the druggist I won’t wink Coca-Cola ’ll be my drink All the blandishments of high-balls I’ll defy   Give my sox to My silk sox give Aunt Maria   Tho’ she wears her own much higher She will find that mine are cooler in July.

No more I’ll speed my auto     from New York to [Bal?] No more the cops will yell as you pass by —     yank you on the fly [illegible: “While I saw a garter”??] Give my socks to Aunt Maria Tho she wears her own much higher She will find that mine are cooler in July There will be no   around When I [illegible] my   in Near me a hoax cocktail Need much a ginger “ale” Coca-Cola I’ll No a both dar of lager sometime on do of Much a Not an I had a car

“NEVERMORE”

Jack The time is night to say good-bye to fashionable frills.

Stumpy You say the time has come to say good bye?

Jack For never more will I dress, That is to a wild excess.

Stumpy Then no longer will I tie your crimson tie.

Jack Give my poker chips to brother, My pajamas send to mother, I will wear a cotton “nightie” till I die.   Fare ye well, Oh frills of fashion,     Fare ye well, Oh social smirk,   For your slave has formed a passion,     For the novelty of work. Tho’ Martin and Del and Sherry and old Reisenweber roar, In the future they will see me never, never more.       (him) Stumpy It is to be good bye to me as well as fashion’s ways?

Jack You certainly have got to quickly trot,

Stumpy I’m an orphan small and frail, And my poor old dad’s in jail,

Jack Oh, my heart is saddened at your saddened lot.

Stumpy Who will put you in your bed, sir? When to all the world you’re dead, sir.   You will miss your little Stumpy on the spot.

Jack Fare ye well, Oh frills of fashion,     Fare ye well, Oh social smirk,   For your slaves has formed a passion,     For the novelty of work. Tho’ the Waldorf, Shanley’s, Rector’s,   And Imperial get sore, In the future they will see me never more, never more.

Stumpy   &emp;   (him)

In The Dimness of Twilight

Geraldine When a man goes forth awooing Making love a girl pursuing Then he never should be doing   The absurd

I behind your protestations Your hysterical elations Even stood for your gyrations   Till I heard—

In the dimness of twilight you to tell your love     And over and over you cried I love you, yes love you I want you to be my bride.— I have have heard what Annabelle said But if you were really sincere She’ll love you, yes love you In your notice labeled the catch of the year.

Gerald. It really should not matter But I raised an awful clatter State it When you stood a good stand patter   While I raged

The Duke Annabelle knows my affection Knows the heart of my selection Tho it’s caused so much dejection   I’m engaged

Ger. You’re engaged to Annabelle In the dimness of twilight you are engaged

J. There is something in my optic— Will you diagnose the case.

A. Tho it may be microscoptic It is very out of place. Let me feel your pulse’s beating— Let me look into your eye— I think you’re over-eating That’s the wherefore and the why.   One, two, three—   One two three—   Rather fast   This won’t last— J.   This won’t last!

A. Within your eye there is picturing I see has dust in I see

Duke What’s your pleasure.

Rose You love a maid and she loves you;

Duke That certainly is very true.

Rose Why don’t you do as others do

Duke I can’t for I’m engaged.

Rose Come forth, etc.

Gerald. La, la.

Duke Do you hear her,

Gerald. Not a sound;

Duke ’Tis very plain Niagara she’d drown.

Gerald. Sweetheart, etc. Repeat all Sweetheart.

“MARCONIGRAM”

Jack I’ve been much worried by the talk, about the grafting in New York.

Geraldine Why don’t you send a wireless to Enquire if it is really true.

Jack A good idea, excuse me pray. [Exits]

Duke Please don’t be very long away, Because it mayn’t occur to you, but you are in this trio too!

Jack I’m coming, I’m coming. [Off] here I come. [Shows message]

Refrain: Jack Ah! hark hear the click, click, clicking, hark! hear the tick, tick, ticking, bringing the answer from New York, I am. [Reads] your talk of graft is most absurd, I’ve never even heard the word. Now what have we gained by this Marconigram? Your message I consider rude & savors much of spissitude

Once cats and parrots were the rage, with ladies of uncertain age, Your maiden aunt a tie would knit, It made you ill to look at it! And others passsed their time away in hunting parsons; lawful prey of every somewhat “passée” gal from time quite immemorial.

Refrain: Hark! hear the tick, tick, ticking, Hark! hear the click, click, clicking, Keen to know if they still do this, I am, [Reading] “They’ve given up their work and pets, Gone in for being Suffragettes!” So says this particular, etc.,

2nd time “Of them to Albany, a score have walked Though heaven knows what for!”

Duet: You do not need a doctor—Annabelle and Jack

J. There is something in my optic Will you diagnose the case?

Tho it may be microspoptic Still it’s rather out of place.

A. Let me feel your pulse’s beating Let me look into your eye, Ah, I see you’re over-eating That’s the wherefore of the why. [dell pung—]

J.   Is it fast?

A.   Beating fast

J.   Not too fast.

A.   Yes, too fast.

You do not need a doctor But only love and laughter, The glances of a maiden Just now is what you’re after, You’d start the welkin ringing Likewise you’d shake the rafter, If she you love, your turtle dove,   Would smile

I do not, etc.

J. I think my heart is quite affected.

A. No one would ever have suspect it.

J. Feel the throbbin’

A. Why it’s bobbin’

J. Never ceases.

Down in the valley, love   Where the sunny sun is shining es bright Let us dally, love   Every Thursday night When the moonbeams dance     When the balls are ringing, dear     I will be a-singing, dear     Also buck-and-winging, dear       For that’s the Yankee way O why can’t stupid British people see   The humor of the witty U.S.A.?

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Manuscript (Adams?) in green ink.

II (24

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Manuscript (Adams?) in green ink, on a (bottom) half-page.