Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah (Coronavirus Version)

So I guess all the cool kids are writing coronavirus-quarantine-themed musical parodies? Here’s my contribution.

Hello muddah / hello faddah,
Here I am just / doing nada,
How it ends I’ve / not the foggiest.
But they say maybe we’ll go outside by August.

The econo / my’s in slow-mo,
Thanks to Governor / Andrew Cuomo.
If we’re essential / they can’t fire us;
That’s consolation when we catch coronavirus.

Wash your hands for / count of twenty.
That kills virus / evidently.
And remember / sanitizer.
Just be glad you’re not a nurse who works for Kaiser!

No more classrooms / no more schoolbooks,
There’s a whole new / set of rulebooks:
At-home teachers / teach their class words;
They use Zoom so now the Chinese have their passwords.

Fewer cars has / had a major
Good effect on / Mother Nature.
Streams are clearer. / Skies are bluer.
Alligators are returning to the sewer.

Just stay home / oh muddah faddah,
Just stay home / do what you gaddah,
Don’t — take — trips —
Out in the city where / you might / get cited by the mayor.
Just stay home / Don’t catch corona,
Just stay home / and be a loner,
Watch — Net— flix —
Oh please don’t go outside / Okay / At least I tried…

This pandemic / needs our quelling
Quarantining / in our dwelling.
Social distance / most intently
And we’ll lick it just in time for COVID-20!

This all started when I was trying to get to sleep the other night, and Verse 3, Athena-like, popped fully formed into my head and just would not leave until I’d written it down.

I’ve recorded a version for YouTube here. However, I know I can’t do it justice — I’m no triple threat, I can’t play the piano, I don’t even own a propeller beanie — and so I place these lyrics in the public domain. If you record your own version, send me a link!

Finally, here’s a few of my favorite coronavirus filk songs so far:

Posted 2020-04-08