So I guess all the cool kids are writing coronavirus-quarantine-themed musical parodies? Here’s my contribution.
Hello muddah / hello faddah,
Here I am just / doing nada,
How it ends I’ve / not the foggiest.
But they say maybe we’ll go outside by August.
The econo / my’s in slow-mo,
Thanks to Governor / Andrew Cuomo.
If we’re essential / they can’t fire us;
That’s consolation when we catch coronavirus.
Wash your hands for / count of twenty.
That kills virus / evidently.
And remember / sanitizer.
Just be glad you’re not a nurse who works for Kaiser!
No more classrooms / no more schoolbooks,
There’s a whole new / set of rulebooks:
At-home teachers / teach their class words;
They use Zoom so now the Chinese have their passwords.
Fewer cars has / had a major
Good effect on / Mother Nature.
Streams are clearer. / Skies are bluer.
Alligators are returning to the sewer.
Just stay home / oh muddah faddah,
Just stay home / do what you gaddah,
Don’t — take — trips —
Out in the city where / you might / get cited by the mayor.
Just stay home / Don’t catch corona,
Just stay home / and be a loner,
Watch — Net— flix —
Oh please don’t go outside / Okay / At least I tried…
This pandemic / needs our quelling
Quarantining / in our dwelling.
Social distance / most intently
And we’ll lick it just in time for COVID-20!
This all started when I was trying to get to sleep the other night, and Verse 3, Athena-like, popped fully formed into my head and just would not leave until I’d written it down.
I’ve recorded a version for YouTube here. However, I know I can’t do it justice — I’m no triple threat, I can’t play the piano, I don’t even own a propeller beanie — and so I place these lyrics in the public domain. If you record your own version, send me a link!
Finally, here’s a few of my favorite coronavirus filk songs so far:
Daniel Matarazzo’s “Super Bad Transmittable Contagious Awful Virus”
Claire and Mel Vatz’s “We’re All Home Bound”
Eliza Rubenstein’s “I am the very model of effective social distancing” (performed here by NYGASP, with additional lyrics by James Mills)